SHAQ-tastrophe!

The Celtics are courting SHAQ-tastrophe!

Last season's NBA Finals Runner Ups are flaunting with failure as the Celtics have signed 38-year-old former NBA All-Star Shaquille O'Neal to a two year contract.

In this coming NBA season, look for a series of SHAQ-tastrophes beginning with a kelly green clad sputtering Big Diesel lumbering down the parquet court of Boston's TD Bank and North Garden.

Already limited in its fast break, an aged Celtics team has added the glacier quick Shaq to its squad. . . certain to tether itself further to the immovable foundation of Boston's iconic John Hancock Building.

At first, watch the plodding Planet Cryptonite schmooze teammates with his signature shuck and jive and influence his new Boston friends with a feigned team-first philosophy. However, O'Neal's game has always been Shaq vs. . . well . . . everybody else . . . 'cause it's always been all about 7' 1" and 335+ pounds of Shaq and his monumental ego.

Then, just wait till December, when Shaq Daddy wants more touches and disheartened guards like Rajon Rondo and Nate Robinson howl at the horrific sight of this Big Fella hampering their way to the hoop.

Worse yet, wait until February, when the original Celtic Big 3 of Ray Allen, Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett have had enough hubris from this new Hulking Ham in the Hub City hoping to become a cozy Celtic Quartet. But that won't ever happen.

Expect O'Neal to exit Boston after just one season or maybe even sooner. History documents his less than magical departure from Orlando, his petty parting from the Lakers, Shaq's scorched separations from the Suns and Heat and his recent cavalier departure from Cleveland.

Despite my prognostications, here's hoping the Celtics will salvage this season by muzzling this megalomaniac and sparingly utilizing his waning talents.

Otherwise, Coach Doc Rivers will be courting a sure SHAQ-tastrophe with the NBA's former Superman and now sputtering Big Diesel.

Straight Talk. No Static.

MIKE - Thee American Made Voice on Sports!