Nike May Recall New Tim Tebow Shoes

Facing mounting pressure from special interest groups and the United States government, Nike may recall its new limited edition Tim Tebow Air Trainers.

The blue and orange Tebow endorsed shoes, which sold out on nikestore.com within 5 minutes last week, have sparked a firestorm of protests. Among the disgruntled groups are:

Southern Baptists, calling for a boycott of the sneaker giant, expressed outrage at Nike for naming the new Tebow shoe the Air Trainer 1.2 instead of the John 3:16.

Jesse Jackson, threatening to picket Denver Bronco home games this season, assailed Nike for failing to offer similar shoe deals to other NFL back-up quarterbacks of color.

Pro Choice groups, still steaming from the QB's Pro Life Super Bowl ad earlier this year, protested that the Tebow endorsed shoes infringe upon a woman's constitutional right to choose. Pro Choicers plan to boycott not only Nike, but also Jockey, Bible makers and all other products associated with the evangelical NFL rookie.

The ACLU, claiming the Promise decal on the the shoes' heel is another Tebow attempt to proselytize his faith, filed suit in Federal Court against the NFL to protect every American football fan's fundamental right to separation of church and state.

Finally, Homeland Security reporting that any purchaser wearing the new Tebow shoes demonstrated an ability to walk on water while leaving no discernable footprints in the sand, raised its Threat Level to Red. The Department feared that terrorists would go undetected if they wore the new Tebow shoes.

However, Cincinnati safety Kyries Hebert was quick to challenge Homeland Security's charge by offering, "The new Tebow shoes may not leave footprints in the sand, but when #15 runs over you on the goal line, they definitely engrave cleat marks on your forehead."

Straight talk. No static.

MIKE - thee American made voice on sports.
www.facebook.com/theemikefans

Kim Kardashian Now Linked to NY Yankee Legend

"It's like deja-vu all over again!"

Kim Kardashian, famous for being famous for foraging after flashy football players, is once again romantically linked to another celebrity athlete - this time a jock from a different sport. And it's not soccer super star Cristiano Rinaldo or hooper Lebron James.

Hint. . . he's a lifelong NY Yankee, but it's not Derek Jeter. No, not even A-Rod.

This weekend, TMZ caught Kim Kardashian cuddling in a corner at Kutsher's in the Catskills with none other than legendary NY Yankee Yogi Berra. Yup, Berra, as in the original Yogi and former Bronx Bomber all star catcher and manager.

TMZ photographed the curious couple biting into their blintzes at the retirement resort's 4pm early bird buffet. The octogenarian has reportedly fallen fast for the flirtatious Kim, who bears a striking resemblance to ol' No. 8's great-granddaughter's niece.

Though the news shocked Kim's fans, it didn't rock either of Kim's gold digging sisters. Khloe commented that Kim was unfulfilled while linked to future Hall of Famers and wanted the immediate gratification of having a revered sports icon at her side.

Kourtney advised Kim to hook her Hall of Famer now . . . even if her new beau's bronze bust was bestowed in Cooperstown four decades ago!

ESPN reported that Berra bested another potential suitor and nuptial contender, NY Jets Superbowl III hero Joe Namath. Although Broadway Joe purportedly texted Kim hourly and sent bountiful bouquets of flowers to her LA digs, Kim shared with confidants that the 67-year-old Joe Willie was just too young and fell short of Kim's "bling" prerequisites. Joe only won one Super Bowl ring and two MVP awards during his career, while Yogi amassed three MVP trophies and a whopping 13 World Series titles.

For the guy who said, "A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore," let's see how Yogi handles the socialite's prodigious penchant for pearls, paparazzi and panache.

Kris Kardashian Jenner, Kim's maternal role model and sports celebrity marrying mom, voiced concern over her eldest daughter's choice for a new paramour. However, Berra immediately reinforced his commitment to keep up with the 30-year-old Kardashian, echoing quotes he made famous decades ago.

"In spite of our fifty year age disparity . . . . our similarities are just different." Then, Berra boyishly beamed, "I'm optimistic, and this relationship ain't over till it's over."

So, let's keep a careful watch over the lovable Berra. Because with Kim Kardashian in the mix, like Yogi says, "It's like deja-vu all over again."

Straight Talk. No Static.

MIKE - Thee American Made Voice on Sports
www.facebook.com/theemikefans

Another NY Jet Bitter Contract Dispute

Bitter contract disputes may thwart this year's NY Jets' Super Bowl run.

The NY Jets announced today that another key member of its organization is seeking a lucrative long term deal and has still not reported to the team's training camp.

In addition to all pro cornerback Darrelle Revis, Jets' Towel Boy (name withheld for fear of retribution from team's rabid fans) is holding out after just one good year in the locker room. Towel Boy is demanding his contract be renegotiated to include more guaranteed money, a better supply of ultra fabric softener and the new commercial grade, super capacity Whirlpool Pro with tumble dry and special heated racks.

Towel Boy's agents scoffed at what they considered to be the Jets' recent paltry offer. Citing last year's deal signed by an Oakland Raiders' locker room attendant (name also withheld because it's impossible to pronounce, let alone spell), agents argued that the Jets' star Towel Boy is far better at gathering, washing, rinsing and folding than his Left Coast counterpart and should be paid appropriately for his domestic dexterity and all star skills.

Jets' coach and prodigious perspirer Rex Ryan intervened, offering to have Towel Boy and his entourage sit down with Jets players and management to hammer out a new deal. Ryan ranted, "We need towels and we need them now! It's hot out there and our guys are really sweating."

HBO's "Hard Knocks" also reported that Towel Boy may be receiving misguided counsel from a cousin, a former star NFL equipment manager and graduate of the same Big East university in western Pennsylvania.

Until Jets owner Woody Johnson resolves the Revis and Towel Boy drama, Jets' players have been grudgingly bringing their own towels to practice.

NY Jets management will need to stop the spin cycle of the Revis and Towel Boy talks soon; otherwise, Gang Green's chances of a 2011 Super Bowl title may be all washed up.

Straight Talk. No Static.

MIKE - Thee American Made Voice on Sports
www.facebook.com/theemikefans

Coca-Cola's Vitamin Water Confession

Sports fans are still laughing after learning last week that Coca-Cola admitted in US District Court that its sports drink Vitamin Water is not a healthy beverage and that it violates FDA food fortification and product naming guidelines.

Imagine that! Only a handful of actual vitamins in a sports drink called Vitamin Water from our "health conscious" friends at Coca-Cola, makers of the "nutritiously rich" Fanta, Fresca, TAB, Pibb Xtra and Mellow Yellow soft drink brands.

So, who will be the next national advertiser who needs to come clean with the American sports fan?

Will Gatorade finally disclose what's actually in you...or us...or it?

Will Nike implore customers to finally stop doing it, i.e. overpaying for their ridiculously over-priced sneakers and athletic apparel?

Will AT&T change its slogan to "Fewer Bars in More Places" to more accurately reflect its at times woeful cellular service?

Will Budweiser report that the same flat-stomached, buxom blondes in their commercials never actually drink their weight gaining product?

Will GEICO fess up that they may have saved you 15% in car insurance, but they raised your deductible to $5,000?

And will McDonald's, Burger King and Taco Bell all be forced to admit that most of their fast food has less nutritional value than say.....Coca-Cola's Vitamin Water?

You get my drift.

I probably could have thiught up plenty more examples of these artificial ads, but I didn't take a Lunesta and stay at a Holiday Inn last night.

Straight talk. No static.

MIKE - thee American made voice on sports!
www.facebook.com/theemikefans

Albert Haynesworth Passes Redskins' Test - Satire

Washington Redskins' defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth finally passed his mandatory conditioning test yesterday at the team's practice facility in Ashburn, VA.

Haynesworth successfully completed two sets of back-and-forth 25-yard sprints, passing two dozen buffet tables laden with barbequed ribs, Southern fried chicken, hot biscuits and gravy, and double-dipped chocolate donuts with sprinkles . . . all in under the required four minutes with just a ninety minute nap in between.

With iceburg quickness, Haynesworth exhibited amazing willpower as he lumbered by both rows of bountiful fried feasts and delectable desserts.

Redskins coach Mike Shanahan praised his $100M+ defensive tackle's poise under pressure, commenting, "The fried chicken smelled and looked especially good!"

However, Shanahan feared Haynesworth may have re-tweeked his sore left knee shortly before ending his obligatory run when Big 92 stopped, in cruise ship type suddenness, for a second whiff of the barbequed spare ribs.

Washington's medical staff quickly reported that Haynesworth's knee would be re-examined and that the run stopper's daily diet of carrots, sesame seeds, tofu and a 6 oz. lean chicken breast would be closely monitored.

Haynesworth, who had not spoken to the media before Saturday, publicly thanked Biggest Loser's Jillian Michaels for coaching through this arduous and tempting ordeal.

The Redskins' star lineman now faces his next big test. Can he successfully get off the field when substituted . . . .before the NFL's 25 second play clock expires . . . or will he need to stop for a snack before reaching the sidelines?

Straight Talk. No Static.

MIKE - Thee American Made Voice on Sports!
http://www.facebook.com/theemikefans

Knuckleheaded Knicks

Tell me James Dolan and Donnie Walsh aren't a couple of Knuckleheaded Knicks.

What on earth were they thinking? I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or scream upon learning the news that these two senior NBA executives re-signed former NY Knicks President and Coach Isaiah Thomas as a special consultant to their organization.

Dolan's and Walsh's decision to rehire Thomas is deplorably, ridiculously, irresponsibly disgusting. Their knuckledheaded move sends the WRONG message.....that anyone can get rehired by your former employee even after you:

1. fail miserably at your job as a coach with a woeful 23-59 record in 2007-08

2. cost your former bosses $11.6 million to settle a lawsuit you caused

3. sexually harass a woman who worked for you

and worse yet...

4. throw your very own daughter under the proverbial bus when the police respond to your home to investigate your purported drug overdose / suicide.

I'm very curious to see whether self-righteous NBA Commissioner David Stern, so protective of the league's declining image, weighs in on this abhorent NY Knicks news.

In a professional basketball league where "Amazing Happens" there should never be any room for the reprehensible decisions of Knuckleheaded Knicks.

Straight talk. No static.

MIKE - thee American Made Voice on Sports!
www.facebook.com/theemikefans

No Penance for Pitino

Another fallen skirt chaser in the sports world will not be disciplined.

University of Louisville Athletic Director Tom Jurich reiterated his school's unwavering support for Men's Basketball Coach Rick Pitino yesterday following the conviction of Karen Cunagin Sypher, 50, for attempting to extort millions from the Cardinals' high profile coach after their tawdry tryst.

The skirt chasing Pitino's foolish philandering in 2003 has cost him and his school public embarrassment and national ridicule. However, Slick Rick won't face any disciplinary action from the university or, at this time, from the NCAA.

Astonishingly, the Big East School earlier this year awarded Pitino with a four year contract extension through 2017. As many Catholics expressed, "What a Cardinal sin of epic proportions!"

This torrid tale would not be so tawdry and worth retelling had it not been for Pitino presenting himself as a paragon of family values while parading around with a Parish priest and piously pontificating about Catholic principles.

The media has had lots of fallen skirt chasers to report on these days, and Rick Pitino hasn't been the only adulterer asking for forgiveness for his duplicitous decisions. Pittsburgh Steeler QB Ben Roethlisberger regretted running after a Goergia vixen, and iconic golfer Tiger Woods apologized for his serial indiscretions. While the NFL suspended Big Ben for the start of the season, the PGA Tour took a much different approach and never even attempted to correct the wayward Woods - the sport's undisputed cash cow.

So, it'll interesting to witness which philandering philosophy the usually conservative NCAA embraces as the lurid details of Pitino's frolicking and subsequent cover-up have publicly unfolded. Will the NCAA face Pitino's foibles straight fowardly and formally kick his can to the curb for violating the collegiate organization's morality standards? Or, will the NCAA support Louisville and stauchly stand by its "stud" coach like the the PGA Tour's laughable loyalty to its lecherous lout? After all, aren't there 20,000 seats in Louisville's new downtown arena that need to be filled?

The University of Louisville had the opportunity to take a stand by setting the example that wanna-be womanizers need to keep their zippers zipped.

Now, it's the NCAA's turn to prescribe penance for Pitino's pathetic hypocrisy.

Staright talk, No static.

MIKE - thee American made voice on sports!

SHAQ-tastrophe!

The Celtics are courting SHAQ-tastrophe!

Last season's NBA Finals Runner Ups are flaunting with failure as the Celtics have signed 38-year-old former NBA All-Star Shaquille O'Neal to a two year contract.

In this coming NBA season, look for a series of SHAQ-tastrophes beginning with a kelly green clad sputtering Big Diesel lumbering down the parquet court of Boston's TD Bank and North Garden.

Already limited in its fast break, an aged Celtics team has added the glacier quick Shaq to its squad. . . certain to tether itself further to the immovable foundation of Boston's iconic John Hancock Building.

At first, watch the plodding Planet Cryptonite schmooze teammates with his signature shuck and jive and influence his new Boston friends with a feigned team-first philosophy. However, O'Neal's game has always been Shaq vs. . . well . . . everybody else . . . 'cause it's always been all about 7' 1" and 335+ pounds of Shaq and his monumental ego.

Then, just wait till December, when Shaq Daddy wants more touches and disheartened guards like Rajon Rondo and Nate Robinson howl at the horrific sight of this Big Fella hampering their way to the hoop.

Worse yet, wait until February, when the original Celtic Big 3 of Ray Allen, Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett have had enough hubris from this new Hulking Ham in the Hub City hoping to become a cozy Celtic Quartet. But that won't ever happen.

Expect O'Neal to exit Boston after just one season or maybe even sooner. History documents his less than magical departure from Orlando, his petty parting from the Lakers, Shaq's scorched separations from the Suns and Heat and his recent cavalier departure from Cleveland.

Despite my prognostications, here's hoping the Celtics will salvage this season by muzzling this megalomaniac and sparingly utilizing his waning talents.

Otherwise, Coach Doc Rivers will be courting a sure SHAQ-tastrophe with the NBA's former Superman and now sputtering Big Diesel.

Straight Talk. No Static.

MIKE - Thee American Made Voice on Sports!