Nike - Just (Can't) Do It!

Nike - the world's leading sports brand...just CAN'T do it!

Fire Tiger Woods, that is.

Earlier this week Sports Business Journal quoted Nike Chairman and Co-founder Phil Knight's carelessly casual comment concerning Woods' X-rated, extra-marital escapades. Knight said, "When Tiger's career is over, you'll look back on these indescretions as a minor blip, but the media is making a big deal out of it now."

Wow! What a hyprocritical swaggering of swoosh swirling from Nike's swanky Board Room!

For all his supposed moxie, corporate clout and sports world innovation, Knight is taking the coward's way out... proffering the company's support for the world's most celebrated athlete and serial adulterer . . . and hoping we'll continue to buy the millions of dollars of "Tiger-gear" still remaining in Nike's inventory.

Knight's irresponsible, insensitive and absurdly chauvinistic comment all but negates his company's corporate mission statement about fostering social responsibility.

Nike's decision is anything but socially responsible. To the contrary, by sticking with the foolishly philandering Woods, the sneaker giant made a mockery of the time honored social virtues of family, faithfulness and forthrightness.

What message is Nike sending to youth around the world? Hey Tiger Woods fans, keep over-paying for over-priced footware and apparel donned by our over-sexed golfing legend who overtly lied to fans, police, the Press and (sadly) his wife and young family.

Let's call a swoosh a swoosh. Because in this case, where so much money has been financed to fabricate a phony family friendly facade, Nike...the world's leading sports brand...just CAN'T do it! Fire Tiger Woods, that is!

We can all forgive Tiger if and when he's contrite, but let's never defend the arrogance of a corporate titan who summarizes serial adultery as a "minor blip".

Instead, make Nike a "minor blip" in your future sports apparel purchasing.

Buy Adidas, Champion or Reebok instead.


Straight talk. No static.

MIKE - thee American made voice on sports!

Lou Holtz

I love Lou Holtz!

For cryin' out loud (as this charasmatic old coaching codger likes to say), Lou Holtz's candid college football coverage carries clout! Viewers are immediately smitten by the outspoken purity of this grandfatherly pigskin pundit and television's atypical talking head.

Who cares if this retired coach sports a face for radio rather than network television? This colorful commentator is welcome in my living room any day of the week.

This former Notre Dame, South Carolina and Minnesota Head Football Coach may mispronunciate, inarticulate and mis-syllabicate whenever he opens his mouth, but who the heck cares? The immensely loveable Lou eminates total trust, prognosticates with passion and purpose, and generates unbridled enthusiasm out of the ESPN Sports Center Studio.

Football fans look quickly past his saucer shaped spectacles, learn to live with his lisp, and humor him for his histrionics and hairbrained hunches. . . .all because they, too, absolutely love Lou Holtz!

Straight talk. No static.

MIKE - thee American made voice on sports!

Sports' Deadly Language

Sports' deadly language is absolutely lethal.



Sure, my post sounds depressing, but don't blame me. Blame the morbid manner the media reports on sports.



Over the past few weeks I've spent lots of quality time surfing several sports events on the big screen.. . . only to be assaulted by the deadly language that sportscasters regularly employ.


Tell me if some of these don't make you, too, feel like you're being clunked on the head by a coffin:

The QB made a fatal mistake and got buried by the linebacker.

The base runner was a dead duck when the batter failed to execute the suicide squeeze play.



Time expired forcing sudden death overtime in this life or death soccer match.



A couple college football teams play their home games in Death Valley.



The opponents deadly 3 point shooting murdered us.



Now, do you get it?



Sportscasters lethal language must change; otherwise, it may kill us all.



Straight talk. No static.



MIKE - thee American made voice on sports.

Football's Instant Replay

Football's instant replay is anything but instant.

Seems like you can read all 1,990 pages of President Obama's new Health Care Reform Bill...twice...faster than it takes a ref to acknowledge a challenging coach's red flag, run over to the sidelines, stick his head under the little black curtain, then re-watch (what appears like a hundred times) the very same play that he and his officiating crew just witnessed live on the playing field only a few minutes before.

OK, while all of us at home, after raiding the refrigerator, hitting the head and following our fantasy picks on the internet, sit stewing on the sofa, the zebra clad man slowly and seriously studies replays from every conceivable angle - even appearing to access footage from the Hubble Space Telescope.

His decision should be easy . . . and considerably much quicker, but it's NOT, because the actions of the main man in stripes always seems slower than a slug's.

So, exactly what is the ref doing under that black curtain?

Checking emails?

Watching ESPN Sports Center?

Tweezing unwanted nasal hairs?

Calling Domino's for a post-game delivery?

Or, reading an unabridged edition of War and Peace?

OK, my impatience is now maxed out after watching a weekend's worth of ridiculously long NCAA and NFL replays.

Football brass needs to act fast, or should I say, instantly, to bring the instant back into instant replay . .. before more impatient football fans like me, God forbid, start watching soccer instead.

Straight Talk. No Static.

MIKE - Thee American Made Voice on Sports

Gut Check Time

Every sports fan is familiar with the old adage, gut check time! This cliche rallies athletes during that critical time in a game when visions of victory are about to vanish and a potential loss hangs precariously in the balance.

So, when Coaches, Fans, Players and Sportcasters expect every last ounce of internal strength and courage to be corraled to change the outcome of a game, they proclaim this defining moment to be... gut check time!

However, I gotta admit that every time this clarion call is conveyed during an NFL game (like in Monday Night Football's Patriots - Colts contest), my gut gets grossed out!


You see, when I hear the words gut check time, instead of conjuring up visions of pending victory, my mind quickly wanders to ghastly glimpses of extra-beefy NFL offensive linemen with bulging bellies bombarding my brain and bringing a whole new meaning to this time-honored cliche.

These frightful flubbies flaunt rotund repositories resembling pepperoni pizza, greasy grub and assorted pan fried food storehouses that wobble woefully around their waists.

No wonder why these linemen are called OFFENSIVE!

So, from now on, that's why I neither have the stomach... nor the time . . . for gut checks of any kind!

Straight talk. No static.

MIKE - thee American made voice on sports!

Worst Position in Sports

Hiking a football is without doubt the worst position in sports!

I came to this conclusion watching the Monday Night Football game between the Patriots & Colts earlier this week.

While calling this contest from the comfort of my broadcast booth, I suddenly realized just how much I subconsciously scrunch away from the exchange between a center and quarterback on the football field. Every time I see a center break the huddle, rumble a few yards to the line of scrimmage, then bend over and fondle a motionless football on the ground like it's some precious package pining for protection . . . I unwittingly find my grill grimacing, my bowtie tightening and my body (well, in my case, just my head) borrowing into my base. Eeek!!!

Allow me to philosophize about these facts surrounding the hiking of a football:

First, in nearly every play, immediately after hiking the football, nearly 3,000 pounds of snarling, sweating linemen pile on top of the center's body.

Second, unless he's in the shotgun formation, the quarterback's hands are way too close to the hiker's unmentionables.

Third, the only body part of a center that ever shows up on camera is a wide angle close up of his big 'ole butt...well, that is, unless he's flagged for holding...in which case every football fan in America gets to see his mug shot - while the ref marches the embarassed culprit's team back another 10 yards.

Yup, hiking a football...the worst position in sports!

Straight talk. No static.

MIKE - thee American made voice on sports.

Agassi's Angst

I have never been a tennis fan; however, last week I became a fan of Andre Agassi.

Agassi, the retired 39-year-old winner of 8 Men's Grand Slam Singles Titles, shocked the tennis world when unexpected excerpts from his book, OPEN:An Autobiography, surfaced in Sports Illustrated and The London Times. Graphic depictions of Agassi's 1997 clandestine recreation with crystal meth and his subsequent lying to the ATP governing body, which threatened to suspend him, stirred a storm of controversy in the sports world.

An outspoken Martina Navratilova was the first former tennis great to excoriate the remorseful and agonizing Agassi, carelessly comparing him to a recalcitrant Roger Clemens. As memories of her own misery momentarily morphed, Martina all-too-quickly leaped out of her own closet, jumped into an awaiting Subaru, and raced down to the first available media outlet to air her agitation against fellow athlete Agassi. Interestingly, this gender-challenged Czech chastised sports fans everywhere a few decades ago for failing to fancy her homosexual lifestyle at a time when such admissions produced public anxiety. Now, she was nay-saying the atoning Agassi for admitting to his personal, private addiction. Sadly, too many others followed the former leading lady of tennis by lacing into Agassi and tearing into this talented, tearful tennis player.

While I don't condone his irresponsible behavior, I do admire Agassi's brutally honest revelations and his desire to be OPEN, as his autobiography suggests, with fans. The retired tennis star's transparent angst is abysmally absent from today's celebrity athlete. Andre admitted errant antics and demonstrated deep regret . . . which today's "Pa-Role Models" fail to display 'til uncomfortably cornered and forced to confront culpability and criticism to salvage their otherwise crumbling careers.

Let's decry Agassi's bad behavior; however, let's acknowledge Andre's sincere admissions, his altruistic contributions to the Las Vegas community and, most importantly, his decision to be OPEN with the sports world.

That's why I've become a fan of Andre Agassi.

Straight Talk. No Static.

MIKE - Thee American Made Voice on Sports