Gut Check Time

Every sports fan is familiar with the old adage, gut check time! This cliche rallies athletes during that critical time in a game when visions of victory are about to vanish and a potential loss hangs precariously in the balance.

So, when Coaches, Fans, Players and Sportcasters expect every last ounce of internal strength and courage to be corraled to change the outcome of a game, they proclaim this defining moment to be... gut check time!

However, I gotta admit that every time this clarion call is conveyed during an NFL game (like in Monday Night Football's Patriots - Colts contest), my gut gets grossed out!


You see, when I hear the words gut check time, instead of conjuring up visions of pending victory, my mind quickly wanders to ghastly glimpses of extra-beefy NFL offensive linemen with bulging bellies bombarding my brain and bringing a whole new meaning to this time-honored cliche.

These frightful flubbies flaunt rotund repositories resembling pepperoni pizza, greasy grub and assorted pan fried food storehouses that wobble woefully around their waists.

No wonder why these linemen are called OFFENSIVE!

So, from now on, that's why I neither have the stomach... nor the time . . . for gut checks of any kind!

Straight talk. No static.

MIKE - thee American made voice on sports!

Worst Position in Sports

Hiking a football is without doubt the worst position in sports!

I came to this conclusion watching the Monday Night Football game between the Patriots & Colts earlier this week.

While calling this contest from the comfort of my broadcast booth, I suddenly realized just how much I subconsciously scrunch away from the exchange between a center and quarterback on the football field. Every time I see a center break the huddle, rumble a few yards to the line of scrimmage, then bend over and fondle a motionless football on the ground like it's some precious package pining for protection . . . I unwittingly find my grill grimacing, my bowtie tightening and my body (well, in my case, just my head) borrowing into my base. Eeek!!!

Allow me to philosophize about these facts surrounding the hiking of a football:

First, in nearly every play, immediately after hiking the football, nearly 3,000 pounds of snarling, sweating linemen pile on top of the center's body.

Second, unless he's in the shotgun formation, the quarterback's hands are way too close to the hiker's unmentionables.

Third, the only body part of a center that ever shows up on camera is a wide angle close up of his big 'ole butt...well, that is, unless he's flagged for holding...in which case every football fan in America gets to see his mug shot - while the ref marches the embarassed culprit's team back another 10 yards.

Yup, hiking a football...the worst position in sports!

Straight talk. No static.

MIKE - thee American made voice on sports.